So, I was told that before my book officially “hit the streets” (sounds ominous, right?) that I should have an elevator pitch or speech.
Basically that means what I can say about my book in the amount of time I’m stuck on an elevator with some poor, unexpecting, future reader…
Here’s my shot — what do you think?
30 Second Elevator Pitch:
Heroin and prescription drug and alcohol abuse in this county is out of control. Worse now than when I was young. The war on drugs is a complete and dismal failure.
I survived this Hell. I found the twelve steps, fell apart at the Third Step: Continue reading 30 Second Elevator Pitch – Third Step
So, here we are at the very end. This is where things start to get interesting. After six months of bitching and complaining about friends and editors and marketing people, after all that screaming and blaming the universe, I am now down to the last 300 printed pages to read myself, out loud, Shari’s orders.
This mess of a manuscript has been professionally edited three times, it has cost me all my friends. It’s been read by 25 beta reader and corrected it a thousand-thousand times. It now comes down to this. Continue reading The Publish Button, Complete With Sireeeeens
Settling in and enjoying the heady aroma of my book burning in the fire pit, I remember I have to call Rob. You know Rob by now, the guy with the sound advice. The guy who actually helps me and wants me to succeed? The guy who’s advice I finally decided to take? I call him, the conversation goes like this:
Rob: “How’s the book coming?”
Me: “Firepit, I think I see page 278 going up now. That was a good page, I’m gonna miss it.”
Rob: “Why don’t you calm down and let us edit it.” Continue reading Our Hero Meets His Match…
And so self publishing becomes self loathing… I hate this book. I hate me for ever starting it. I hate every word. All 128,000 stupid, fucking, misspelled, incorrectly punctuated, echoed, passive words.
I hate editing. I’ve read this nightmare 12 times. No one should have to do that – ever.
I hate Frankie, I hate his friends. Somedays I want to rewrite it just so everyone dies. Maybe end it with a nuclear war so that no one is left except the cockroaches, but then a cockroach would say, “Great job, but there is a typo on page four.” I hate the cockroaches. Continue reading Self Publishing Becomes Self Loathing…
So, adrift, me and the butchered great American novel (see last post), I turn to the source of all of man’s accumulated knowledge. As G.W. Bush called it, “The Google.” How to get published…
I The Googled all kinds of stuff – self publishing – literary agents – how the fuck do I get anyone to read this mess – editors… I need an editor, one who is not insane.
I stumble on this one site, looks very legitimate. They don’t take every submission, they only accept ten percent; acceptance is practically a sure bet to a huge publishing deal. They want the first chapter, synopsis, a bio… Continue reading Snake oil… Step right up! Or, How do we get published, really?
So, I’m supposed to write about the editing part of the book publication process. The part that comes after you put down your pencil and ceremoniously declare on Twitter and Facebook and in about one hundred text messages the great American novel has been finished.
This work of art that you have produced, written and lived and breathed is now complete. Flawless, perfect…
You send it out to a few close friends and within 15 minutes you get a text that says, “I found a typo on page three… Oh, and two more on page four and six more on page five…”
It’s at this moment you realize you’ve always hated this overly critical bitch. You unfriend her from Facebook, unfollow her from Twitter and block her from texting you. You find your Christmas card list; wipe her from that too. Continue reading Whereupon I Edit Out My Editor…
Let me begin by busting a myth: Writing is not glamorous.
But for the writer, it’s as necessary a breathing… Word vomit if you will, something we must purge ourselves of in order to walk among others without the tops of our heads flying off from the enormous pressure of needing to get the words out of us…
I thought being a journalist was tough work, until I wrote a novel. Continue reading The Journey Begins: One Writer’s Path to Publication