I am so fucking done loving the addict and hating the addiction


I found out this morning the little girl – the who we can’t name or share her picture, the one born addicted to heroin, the one born blind, the one born deaf in one ear, is now “profoundly brain-damaged.”

I am so fucking done loving the addict and hating the addiction. This little girl and her story have tested my belief system about as far as it can be tested.

I was up last night thinking about a rant on child protective services and how they are doing everything in their power to keep us from raising money for this little girl, but you know what, fuck that.

I am an addict, but one day in 1993 I was able to dig down underneath the layers and layers of self-pity in denial and bullshit and touch, for one brief moment, what was left of my humanity. You cannot be a bigger addict or a bigger asshole than I was or am, for that matter. If I can anyone can.

If you are using and pregnant you need to do one of three things: you either need to pull your head out of your ass, walk away from your denial and get into a program and work the fuck out of it, or you need to abort that baby, or you need to load up that spike with enough dope to kill five motherfuckers and take care of the problem now.



6 thoughts on “I am so fucking done loving the addict and hating the addiction”

  1. I understand your outrage but this is addiction, it’s always this bad. Sometimes the abuse happens to a baby and sometimes it happens when they are older. There are so many ways addiction hurts people is what I mean, babies and grown ups alike. Addiction is the darkest of the dark. It’s many things but one of the things it is is severe mental illness, combined with spiritual and physical illness. I feel so sorry for that baby but I also feel sorry for the grown kids (and grown ups) who suffer by the hand of an addict. It’s all the same suffering. So much suffering. And I feel sorry also for the addict who suffers the pain of herself and her baby. It’s such a sad sad world sometimes I can hardly take it! Whenever I see stories like this I first feel so much sadness and compassion, so I understand your outrage. But I also think “thank God that wasn’t me” because I know I am no better than that mother who did this, not really. It’s by grace of God that I never hurt anyone that badly. And if we’re honest with ourselves I think we can all see that if given the chance, in the throughs of heroin addiction perhaps, maybe we would have made the same choices. So all I have left is compassion. I can’t be angry because I get it. I’m not defending it, it’s just to me addiction is addiction is addiction and it’s all the same. It’s all baby Lilly to me. And anger and blame get us nowhere so we might as well try to help in some small way, it’s all we can do. I think your book is way of helping people and I’m so glad you wrote it!!

  2. I’m right with you my friend…at some point people need to take responsibility for their actions…I’m a RECOVERING ADDICT too as you know and WE DO GOD DAMN RECOVER!!! YOU HAVE TO WANT IT FOR YOURSELF!

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